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You have just started college. Despite the fact that you let out strange little yelps and stiff, woodland-pixie-drunk-on-fermented-magical-forest-berries-type leaps whenever you are stressed, you still managed to find a table of people to eat with in the cafeteria. However, five minutes into a conversation with your "new friends" you let go of all your inhibitions and announce your unwavering obsession with the Ashton-Drake Ceramic Birthstone Unicorn Club. This outburst, combined with the cruel nature of modern society, results in your complete exclusion from basically all of the cliques on campus. You are a pariah. Anyway, one day you are looking at a Republicans With Cell Phones Club poster, thinking of ways to vandalize it, when an Abercrombie and Fitch clad young lad comes up to you and mentions that he is a member of this fine organization and that they desperately need a president. Your initial reaction is shock: you have never been mistaken for a Republican! You have the hugest crush on Ralph Nader, plus you are wearing a shirt with dolphins on it, which is something that Republicans just don't do. But out of sheer loneliness, you say that you will attend a meeting.
And this is not a cruel prank - you are loved by all of the Republicans, and despised by the rest of the campus (including the Green Party). So the question is: if the only group that will accept you has a false impression of you (and you also loathe their values), would you rather conform to their expectations or face 4 yrs. of loneliness? |
Upon arrival you are mystified: you see that every female in the room has a shirt that says 'Tommy Girl' on it. How can they all be dating the same guy, you wonder? You want to leave and never come back. But what is there to flee to? Just an empty dorm room and another lonely night of constructing castles out of hard, uncooked Ramen noodles. Besides, you feel so accepted by the Republicans With Cell Phones. They voted you as their president and presented you with your own cell phone. But, you despise cell phones (you are convinced that the one you were given burnt your hand with the flames of hell when you touched it), and are diametrically opposed to just about everything that the Republican Party stands for.