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You are a bitter, bitter man (or woman). You are more bitter than one of those hard mystery berries that grow on ugly trees. Specifically, you are bitter about children. This stems from the time that you and your twin were short on cash, so you attended children's parties wearing polyester penguin suits. Often those crusty little party attendees would throw things at you (usually lit birthday candles) and yell at you to get out of the house. Okay, so you weren't paid entertainers, you just showed up for the free food (you were short on cash, remember). In your opinion, those runny-nosed heathens were just ungrateful.

Well, after years of therapy, you are finally happy - when suddenly you have twins. (It's not important how you acquired these twins - use your imagination and come up with something witty - but let's just say that you are required to keep the little buggers intact for at least 18 yrs.) So you decide that if you have to raise these kids, why not turn them into an interesting social experiment? Let's say both twins are boys. You name one something normal, like Sam. Or maybe something mildly creepy like Jo-Bob-Jo (everyone would just call him Jo anyway). Then the other one is given the name Babystupidhead Nutwingle (with middle name something like: I-wore-a-flammable-penguin-suit-in-college-and-it's-all-your-fault). The purpose of this experiment is to see which twin turns out insane.

(Note: the previous description is only an example of how this social experiment might work. Most of it was just creative flourishes added for your enjoyment. If you want to do this experiment yourself, feel free to alter the details to accommodate your own personal horrendous upbringing/life. Also, if you are planning on performing the social experiment, please email one or the other or both of us so we can keep tabs.)

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