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The Struggling Actor Situation (and Mr. Bob Smith, the beloved dog) You are a struggling actor (male/female, it doesn't matter) living in Los Angeles. You have wanted to be an actor ever since viewing a Richard Simmons exercise tape (Perspiring to Classic Jazz, if you remember correctly) at the age of eight and realizing that he must be an extremely talented actor because no one is that chipper naturally. Either that or you have a helium addiction…

You have already overcome three major hurdles on your way to becoming a famous actor: you've moved out of your hometown of Spudnut, changed your name from Lurleene Hickle-Plotchblowne (especially bad if you're a guy) to Petria/Petrio Lala (it sounded exotic), and developed a convincing European accent. The problem is: you're not a good actor and you are not attractive by L.A. standards (well…even by Spudnut standards).

So needless to say, you are not getting offered many high-quality acting opportunities and therefore your financial situation is dire. You spend all your extra money (earned from modeling for a cryptic billboard ad campaign with the slogan INSANE COWS?: AVOID THEM, featuring you running from various insane looking cows that have taken over the freeway) on food for your beloved dog, Mr. Bob Smith. You on the other hand must turn to your couch for sustenance. So for the past few months you have been on the 'couch diet,' which is based on the (shaky) theory that everything under your couch cushions is consumable (except pennies, which are used to buy dog food for Mr. Bob Smith). Strangely, you haven't lost any weight...

Anyhow, one day after auditioning for the lead on a new sitcom called 'Try Again' they call you back and tell you that you didn't make the lead part, but you have been offered the non-speaking part of the sitcom family's pet dragon, Goo. As Goo, you would have to wear a large glittery dragon costume and communicate through a series of high-pitched grunts, exaggerated gesticulations, and clumsy leaps. However, you would receive a very generous paycheck if you sign the two-year contract. Keeping in mind that if you take this humiliating part you may be typecast for life (and humiliated), but alternately that based on your lack of talent, comeliness, etc. any chance of a job offer without experience remains bleak...what do you do?

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