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  • You are stupid.
  • You are worthless.
  • You are as undesirable as shower fungus.
  • You are as pleasant as a deadly illness that slowly eats away at the brains of its victims.
  • You are like the clod in the bottom of a carton of spoiled milk.
  • You evoke the sense of frustration that comes from lending your hat to someone that has lice.
  • Your life is like an unsharpened pencil - pointless.
  • And the eraser doesn't work either.
  • Don't worry, you're not ugly - you're just a hideous beast.
  • You are like a halfpenny - you were once useful, but that was a long time ago.
  • Carl is a dumb name.
  • You are like a mermaid without a tail - you will end up at the bottom of the sea covered in barnacles.
  • You are mediocre at everything except at being a prick - at that you excel greatly.
  • You are like the gothic font on computers - everyone hates you.
  • You are like Times New Roman - everyone uses you.
  • You are like tapered leg jeans - stupid.
  • You are like an actor on a made-for-TV movie - bad and ineffective.
  • You are like a shiny bald spot - a beacon of hope only for small birds who want to loosen their sphincters.
  • You are like a flea on a dog - insignificant but still annoying.
  • You are like mustard yellow - you don't belong anywhere, except in mustard.
  • You are like the color magenta - you don't belong in the rainbow, or anywhere else for that matter.
  • You are mean.
  • You make me sad.
  • You are like a happy face with no smile - just two dots.
  • You are like a highly flammable children's nightgown - you meet no standards.
  • You are like a male exotic dancer, but you're not exotic or a dancer and you're only questionably male - what the hell are you?
  • You are like footsie pajamas - everyone grows out of you in a year or less.
  • You are like a donut with no hole - a hole-less donut.
  • You are asinine.
  • You are like a doggie toy - interesting only to babies and dogs.
  • You are like a doggie bag - always left cold and ignored.
  • You are like a radiator that blows cold air in the winter - you look inviting but everyone runs away once they discover your true nature.
  • You are like a cold toilet seat - people scream.
  • You are like the curling iron left on that burns down the house - people can't understand why they ever wanted you.
  • You are like a dusty curtain - allergy-causing and blocking the sunlight we so desperately need in our universal time of darkness.
  • You are like an Oreo with no creme filling - what the hell are you and why would anyone want you; you are useless, pointless, and dumb.
  • You are like incredibly stale bread crust - even the birds will not peck at your desiccated form.
  • You are like a clown.
  • You are like a daily multivitamin - hard to swallow and some people choke to death on you.
  • You are icky icky icky.
  • You are like a doctor shining a light in every crevice - disgusting
  • You are like a hummel plate on ebay - no one would want you (unless you were priced at less than two dollars).
  • You are like Miss Wisconsin at the Miss America contest - always the loser (and ugly).
  • You are like beer-flavored cheese - fat old guys devour you and everyone else stays away.
  • You are inane.
  • You are like coffee - bitter, not to mention the quickest beverage to mold.
  • You are like a torn paper bag - everybody would rather get rid of you than try to fix you enough to make you worth saving.
  • You are like Jasmine in the Disney animated feature Aladdin - where the hell is your belly button?
  • You are like a civics/physics/government book - heavy, dull, full of many words, yet without any meaning.
  • You are like a fortune cookie with no fortune - missing a necessary part.
  • You are like a pez dispenser in which no pez fit - what the hell are you?
  • You suck.
  • You are like an uuuuuf.
  • You are like a mathemagician - lame.
  • You are like a sticky bun that's green - things like you never happen because you're nasty.
  • You are like gold sequins - Dolly Parton and the Nashville music community are your only friends.
  • You are like listening to the Backstreet Boys for three hours straight - life threatening.
  • You are like blue M & M's - you replaced the tan ones, so everybody hates you.
  • You are like blue "razzberi" flavor - what the hell are you?
  • You are like a stiletto without a heel - flat and upsetting.
  • No, seriously, I really don't like you at all.

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This hugely immature yet amusing page is dedicated to Carl.

This page is in no way authorized by Alfred Adler or his theory of individual psychology.

All insults on this page are copyright ©2000 Jessica and the Julia, however, you may use them freely in casual conversation.

The crappy background of this page is also copyright ©2000 the Julia, but I don't really care if you steal it.