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*THE THRONE OF CANS SITUATION*

You live in the town of Pollywollydoodmeister, WI (population 612 counting pets). It is the kind of town with a garden gnome on every stoop and a crazy Old Man (insert common last name here) on every block. You work at the town's only grocery store, Bob's Market. They are the only people who will hire you after last year's fiasco (let's just say that you'll never again drink seven vodkas prior to the neighborhood Doll and Pet Parade - attended by over 200 small children - but you still stand by your claim that strollers are evil). Also, the Bob's Market people don't seem to mind that every time you take three steps forward an invisible force that you are convinced is a malevolent mermaid pushes you one step back. In short, you are grateful for this job.

Everything is just dandy until one day when an attractive but oddly dressed androgynous-looking person (let's just say it's a guy) enters the soda aisle (where you are shelving Sundrop - the Nectar of the Gods) and begins rearranging the huge stack of twelve-packs. After about 20 minutes of diligent work on this person's part, what was before just a pile of boxes now resembles a giant throne. The guy climbs onto the throne, pulls out a Burger King crown, and places it on his head as he stares placidly down upon his "kingdom" (a.k.a. the beverage aisle).

Up until this point you had been too shocked to do anything, but you are now quickly realizing that the "king" of the beverage aisle is scaring away customers (demanding their passports when they cross the border, etc.). The rest of the store seems to be undisturbed, but the beverage aisle is now completley barren, except for you and the "king." You decide that unless something is done, the people of Pollywollydoodmeister are going to be sorely deprived of their beverages, and you will also be lacking in employment. What do you do? (And, as always, you CANNOT just let your manager handle it.)

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